Drunken duel dancing
by AgentMaryland93
Summary: another commish for the forums! week 2!


A celebration was to be held, with good reason, for this was the night of the defeat of Handsome Jack. The Vault Hunters gathered at Moxxi's for a round of free drinks. Though Mordecai and Moxxi didn't see eye to eye (literally), it wasn't to say they were beyond acting civil for the sake of their friends.

As they sat around a table, drinking the night away, Lilith stood up and asked for everyone's attention.

"Everyone. I congratulate you all for the defeat of that Jackhole of a tyrant. He now rots in the heart of a volcano. Where he belongs. And though our friends are gone, they never truly shall leave. To this, I say, thank you Vault Hunters. For without you, we all be dead." she raised her glass in toast to the six sitting on the opposite side of the table.

"Lily, how about instead of boring us with their praise, we get plastered. I could really use a drink." Mordecai slammed his wrist down on a bottle of Rakk Ale that he lined up with the tables edge.

She growled as the top popped off, "well, Mordecai, perhaps you have a suggestion of what to do?"

"Kill bandits, steal from Hyperion, get drunk, pass out. My usual life style." he propped his legs up on the table only to have them smacked off by Lilith who was beyond enraged.

"If we all lived your life style, we'd weigh a hundred pounds soaking wet and never eat! Not to mention all the kidney and liver transplants we'd have to get!" he merely chuckled at her anger.

"Calm down Lil, just relax, after all, you were the one who praised the Vault Hunters. I say we celebrate." he grinned up at her.

"What do you suggest?" she crossed her arms and gave him an unsure look.

"Paired drinking contests." his simple answer got everyone's attention.

"Paired drinking contests?"

"Yeah, everyone picks a number mentally between one and-"

"Mordy, we're short a man, remember?" Lilith reminded begrudgingly.

"Oh man, ya'll doin one o' them drinkin contests? Count me in man!" Scooter pulled up a chair and waited patiently.

"I gotta better idea sug, since not everyone can count higher than three around here, how about we pull numbers from a hat?" Moxxi stepped up and held her hat out.

Inside the hat were a bunch of little shreds of paper.

"How does that help?" Mordecai looked in.

"There are ten scraps of paper in there. They go up to five. Whoever draws the number of another, has to challenge that person to a drinking contest." she smiled as he reached in and took one.

She handed them all out and looked everyone over. "Alright, everyone, look and see what number you got."

They opened them.

"Who's got one?"

Mordecai and Zero both put their hands up.

"Wow, that's, funny." Lilith remarked.

"Why is that funny?" Gaige looked at her.

"Cause, his name's Zero and he drew a one."

They all looked at each other, "we don't get it."

"Ugh, never mind."

Claptrap comes in the door, "I totally got it! Oh man, that was hilarious human female with tattoos who could totally turn me into a pile of goo...see ya later!" he wheeled back out the door screaming.

"Anyway...alright you too. Bottoms up!" Moxxi placed two Torgue of Destruction's down on the table in front of them.

Mordecai pushed his now empty Rakk Ale away and downed it with little effort.

"I so got this in the bag! The Assassin wouldn't even be able to down one, let alone a hundred." he chuckled as the masked hunter looked down at the drink before him.

"_Drinking is your art,_

_mine lies in effective kills._

_Challenge accepted._"

An evil smiley emoticon appears on his helmet as he reaches up and unclasps it. Slowly, he takes it off and sets down as everyone watches in shock and awe.

Black and red eyes look around at the ones around him as his four fingered hand reaches for the bottle. Tilting his head back, he downs the drink and smiles, albeit with a cringe at the sharp taste.

"So, that's how you wanna play, ey pretty boy? Well, lets see about that."

The two began the arduous task of downing one drink after another. As they both hit fifty, Zero began to sway a little in his seat. This did not go unnoticed by his still mostly sober opponent.

"What's wrong Zero? Giving up?" he taunted as he downed the fiftieth one.

"N-no! I never back d-down from a ch-challenge!" his vision swam as the sounds began to distort around him.

Colors assaulted his sight as he struggled to stand up only to collapse on the ground.

"Well, round one, Mordecai! Unsurpsingly." Moxxi turned to the others as Lilith helped Zero up off the dirty floor.

The night continued on, each round passing by until it got to Lilith and Maya. As they were on their seventh one, Zero slowly came to and got out of the booth he had been tossed in.

Moxxi watched from the corner of her eye as he swayed back and forth as he walked over to the counter and climbed on it.

Grabbing the microphone, he now had everyone's attention.

"HELLO EVERYONE! WELCOME TO MOZZI'S MAD HOUSE OF BOOZE AND TITTIES! MY NAME IS CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS AND I, AM GOING DOWN WITH MY SHIP!" as he finished his sentence, he fell off the counter onto a random passerby who pushed him off.

"I love you guys!" he leaned on Krieg who looked at Maya with an unsure look in his eye.

"I WANT TO MAKE A MEAT BICYCLE OUT OF YOUR INNARDS!" he grabbed Zero and went to push him away, but froze when Zero hugged him.

"Thaz great man. You know, you and I? We should start a show! We can be ballerinas! You can be lead, and I'll be vocals!" he stumbled off and bumped into Gaige who held onto him as he lost his balance.

"GAUZE! It's great to see ya man!"

"It's Gaige, and I'm a woman." she fixed her hold on him as he struggled to stand.

By now, more than a fair share of people were laughing at the scene.

"DANCE WITH ME!" he grabbed her arms and pulled her into the center of the room and began swaying his hips to a non-existent beat.

Gaige, unsure of what to do, just stood there and watched. Until he did a pelvic thrust, then she fainted.

"Someone tell me they're recording this! This is grade A blackmail material!" Axton was biting his hand, trying not to laugh.

"I gawt dis shawty!" Tina, who appeared from nowhere, had a camera and was already recording.

"I think we should stop him before he really hurts his reputation." Maya went over to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Zero, you need to-"

He silenced her with a drunken kiss and danced towards the exit. Maya just stood there with a shocked expression as Krieg sauntered over to him.

"SKINNY MAN NO KISS PRETTY LADY! I BREAK SKINNY MAN'S SPINE AND USE FOR TOOTHPICK!"

"Krieg! Stop! He didn't mean it!" Maya ran towards the hulking figure who was about to wrap his meaty hand around the Assassin's thin neck.

"LITTLE MAN FROM SPACE KISS PRETTY LADY! NOW LITTLE MAN PAY!" he was held back by Maya who motioned for Axton and Salvador to take Zero elsewhere.

The next morning when Zero awoke, the first thing he registered was that he needed to get to a toilet. NOW.

Rushing to the small bathroom in his little, run down home, he hurled up the contents of his stomach into the dirty, porcelain bowl which left a nasty stench.

"My head." he applied pressure to his temple as he slowly stood.

"Well, good morning 'Captain Underpants'." Axton stood in the doorway with a smirk.

"What do you want Commando?" he was far from being in the mood to deal with him and his cynical smirk and wise ass attitude.

"Just thought I'd say good mornin and check up on you. After all, you were the life of the party last night." he chuckled as Zero gave him an annoyed look.

"What do you mean?"

Axton grabbed him by his arm and dragged him outside. He hissed in pain as the bright light stung his already pounding head with more pain.

He was guided to the base and pointed to a television where everyone was watching last nights endeavors replay on the device.

He watched in horror as he saw himself acting completely ridiculous.

"How did-? Why did I-?" he growled as he pulled out his Katana and cut the television in half.

"Whoa! Take it easy!" Maya stood up but then blushed when she remembered he had kissed her.

"No one else shall ever see this!" he took his leave.

"Aw man!" Brick pouted then turned to Tina. "You got a back up?"

"Shawty, you know Tina comes prepared! BOOSH!" she pulled out a second disk and waved it about. "That'll be three hundred thous mah man."

He handed over the money, "so worth it to see him dance."

Everyone stared at him like he was a creep.

"What? He dances nice!" the muscular man defended.


End file.
